Nothing to do with fandom, I promise.
Over the past year or so I have noticed a trend in business communications for people to start or end emails with something like, “I hope this finds you well.”
Why do they do that? They don’t mean it! They don’t expect a reply. Indeed, they don’t want one. If they person that they are writing to isn’t well then the very last thing they want is to get a response detailing exactly what is wrong. And if they are well then any response will be just as vacuous as the original comment.
So please, people, next time you are tempted to add this piece of false bonhomie to a communication, consider what effect it might have if the recipient actually isn’t well; possibly is seriously unwell. You’ve just sent them a message about their health that they know is insincere and which they know you don’t want an honest reply to. How will that make them feel?
(And for those wondering, other than a continually sore shoulder, my health is perfectly OK, thank you, though I may be tempted to respond that I’m exhausted and profoundly depressed, which may be why I am cranky.)
Perhaps they DESERVE to get an answer going into excruciating details about all sorts of wrong that might (or not) plague the recipient of their silly mail.
I know I’d be tempted.
Believe me, the temptation to respond with “I’ve just been diagnosed with [something awful]” is very strong. Of course the something awful would need to be selected carefully so as not to make fun of actual illnesses. “Terminal vampirism”, perhaps, or “zombie plague”. I’m sure than Seanan will have lots of good ideas.
The expression of false sympathy is the one I really, really hate — every damn US TV show where someone has died has a character saying, “I’m sorry for your loss” uttered to someone they’ve barely met. Ugh.
YES! That’s another of my pet peeves. It’s such a standard comment – it can’t be anything but false.
I am perfectly capable of being sorry for someone’s loss even if I’ve only just met them.
Sorry you’re shoulder is still bothering you. On the misery appreciates company, mine too, has decided to flare up this week, so I’m sitting here writing this with the frozen peas (again) welded to my shoulder. Maybe it’s the weather, doncha-no.
Just keep reminding yourself that soon you’ll be luxuriating in the beauty that is Äland and the company of lunatic Finns.
I have a friend who, when ask “How are you?” tends to go into excruciating, sometimes graphic detail about his IBS. Which is nice.
I note here that “how are you?” or “how do you do?” are so cliched as to have become meaningless. No one expects a response. I suspect what irritates me about this new fashion is that it’s an attempt to take that cliche and make it sound like you really mean it when you very obviously don’t.
Atually, I’m particularly annoyed by people who greet me with ‘How are you?’ and then exptect an honest answer. I answer ‘Fine’ and then get called out on the misinformation if it turns out I’m not. I thought they were just saying hello; and it’s none of their business. But, yes, I’m with you on the example in question.
A long time ago, I once had a Canadian explain to me how to respond the North American greeting ‘What’s up?’ He said I should reply ‘Slick.’ I have never done this and never will.
According to this greetings etiquette rule-thingy put together by a bunch of children (but I have heard it elsewhere), there is a distinction between “how are you?†and “how do you do?†–
http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/greetings.htm
‘How do you do?’ is a greeting not a question and the correct response is to repeat ‘How do you do?’ You say this when shaking hands with someone.
First person “How do you do?”
Second person ” How do you do?”
‘How are you?’ is a question and the most common and polite response is “I am fine thank you and you?”
One of the customers at work uses this line consistently, every time, like a piece of furniture. It is somewhat…hollow, yes.
I am one of the biggest offenders of this. Mea culpa.
When I say “I hope this finds you well” I actually do mean it. I hope the person on the other end is well. I hardly go around hoping people are unwell!
To me this is a better opening than “How are you?” because it’s expressing a simple, kind, and for some of us true statement.
I don’t really care whether you mean it or not. In a business context, if you are not well, it would be deeply unwise to say so. So if you do this, and the person you are writing to is unwell, you are adding to their pain. Don’t do it, please, unless you know the person well and are in a position to have a conversation about medical issues.
Fair enough, but I was responding to the part where you said “Why do they do that? They don’t mean it!”, because some people do mean it. I understand that you still think it’s inappropriate, but I was taken aback that you and several commenters seem to conclude that everybody is completely insincere is expressing concern and (in the case of someone’s loss) sympathy.
I may be obtuse, but I don’t see why it would add to the pain of someone who is unwell to be told that someone else “hopes” that they are well. The writer isn’t saying that the recipient is well, or that the recipient is required to be well to read the rest of the e-mail.
But it’s not a question, so you shouldn’t reply to it, or feel any need to. It merley states that it hopes you finds you well.
“I hope you’re feeling good” is not the same as “Are you feeling good?”No question mark, no question. Simply a pleasant wish that you’re okay, which to me, whether sincere or insincere, I can ignore. I’m not sure why anyone would think to respond to it.
Okay, so I can’t spel or do gramma either. Sigh.
I hope you are well is just wishing you well. It is not an actual specific inquiry or note about your health. It’s just a simple politeness. I used to find your own closing of Love and Hugs deeply annoying but have grown used to it. To each their own. So I think you are indeed grumbly in trying to say this term means the same to you as it does to all others. Love, Jeff