It is pretty clear that a significant amount of spam is aimed at monster truck drivers. As every girl knows, the size of a guy’s dick is inversely proportional to the macho nature of the car he drives. And ads for quick-fix cure for a petite pecker make up a substantial percentage of the daily spam volume. (They outnumber ads for boob enhancements by about 1000-1, which I guess tells you something about insecurity and gullibility differences between the sexes.)

Now, we all know that many spammers don’t have English as a first language, so they may not be able to tell our boy names from our girl names. Also they often use automated systems that don’t bother to check for simple things like gender. Which is why you see so many messages promising Jane and Linda and Sarah a larger appendage. But why, oh why, please tell me, did someone put together spam campaign promising Monster Truck Man that with their treatment he can have queen-sized dick?

You can just imagine the ad copy. “Yes, Mr. Insecure, take our treatment and in just three short weeks your girlfriend will be so impressed with your new size that she’ll say you look like a queen!”

I wish I could do cartoons.