Dear Mr. Rudd,
I understand that your country has been suffering a severe drought in recent years. Nevertheless, during my short visit here it has rained almost every day, most recently very heavily. This is no accident.
The ability to cause rain to fall on Australians is a super power that I developed primarily to save the English cricket team from beatings at the hands of your national squad. This power was originally developed for use in the UK, where rain is considerably easier to come by, but I was surprised and delighted to discover that it works in Australia as well.
I hereby offer to put my powers at your disposal. My needs are very simple. All I ask is residency status in your country, a small apartment in Melbourne in which to live, and the right not to be described as a “whingeing Pom” by everyone that I meet here. In return I shall cause rain as and when you require it.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Yours sincerely,
Cheryl Morgan
Dear Mr. Rudd,
I understand that one Cheryl Morgan has offered to make her rain-inducing powers available to your country.
I am well-known in the extreme sports world for possessing similar, if opposite powers to Ms. Morgan – specifically anti-rain powers.
I will be happy to refrain from interfering with Ms. Morgan while she is in your employ in exchange for a pair of round-trip tickets to and from Australia during the latter half of 2010.
Sincerely,
Steve Davidson
PS: You all can call me whatever the hell you want
I love the post and the response. I can’t top that or even try. Just try to keep the rain away from Montreal this August.
There was almost a lot of water ejected through my nasal cavities and onto my keyboard.
What a very specific power. Rain > Australians.
Or is it all citizens of former Crown Colonies? Ample opportunities to test the theory this year it seems . . .
-VBG-