Over on Twitter various trans folks have been suggesting the sort of documentary they might make, had they been in charge of My Transsexual Summer. The hashtag is is #diytranssummer if you want to check it out.

For context, I probably need to remind you that prominent lesbian journalist and one of Britain’s foremost trans-haters, Julie Bindel, once suggested that a convention of trans people would look like the set of Grease. It you remember what I said on Wednesday about people in transition having a tendency to overdo the gender performance you’ll know where she got the idea from. Trans people go through a second puberty with their hormone treatment, but to some extent they go through a second adolescence as well. Suggesting that we are always like that all the time, however, is a silly stereotype for which Bindel has been repeatedly berated.

Anyway, I suggested that my #diytranssummer would include the trans people staging a performance of Grease with all of the cast dressed like Julie Bindel. A few people kindly found this amusing. Unfortunately, having thoroughly earwormed myself, I had to go on and produce something. It turned out slightly different.

Bindel – The Musical (a trans love story)

The action takes place at a high school where the kids are divided into two gangs: the Pink Boys, who are all gay, and the L-Birds, who are all lesbians. There’s a strict dress code. The Pink Boys are all very metrosexual, and the L-Birds adopt k.d. lang chic.

At the start of a new term, Danny Zuko confesses to his Pink Boy friends that over the summer vacation he met a wonderful butch girl, and is worried that he might be straight and trans. Unbeknownst to Danny, Sandy Olsson has just enrolled in the school.

The bad kids in the class, Ben and Julie, bully Danny and Sandy mercilessly, accusing them of being traitors, perverts and dupes of the patriarchy. Much misunderstanding and misadventure ensues. However, the rest of the kids think it would be cool to introduce a bit more gender diversity into the class. They encourage Danny and Sandy to cross-dress.

Enter Danielle and Alexander. They look like fairly conservative teenagers (think Sandy and Danny at the start of Grease), but the Pink Boys have gone for the full Priscilla drag queen look, while the L-Birds are all Dykes on Bikes. Danielle is rather embarrassed and wracked with guilt, but with encouragement from her friends she soon relaxes into her new identity. Here’s the big song and dance number.

Danielle:
I got chills, they’re multiplyin’, and I’m losin’ control
Cause the gender I’m displayin’, it is so dismayin’

Danielle:
I better shape up, and look like a man,
it’s the normal thing to do
I better shape up, I should be a man,
to my chromosomes be true
It’s the right, it’s the only thing to do

Chorus:
You’re the gender you want
(you’re the gender you want), ooh ooh ooh, honey
The gender you want (you are the way we want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
The gender you want (you are the way we want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
It’s what you need (how you should be),
oh yes indeed (yes indeed)

Alexander:
Give your life new direction,
You’ll be happy this way
I can give you affection, what d’ya say?

Danielle:
I better shape up,
cause I want a man

Alexander:
I’ll be the man,
Who can keep you satisfied

Danielle:
I better shape up, I can be your girl

Alexander:
You be fine, and I want you by my side
Are you sure?

Danielle:
Yes, my self I cannot hide

[repeat chorus]

At the end of the song Ben and Julie confess that they have been swept away by the romance of it all and will be becoming androgynous so that they can have a relationship without sacrificing their principles. Everyone lives queerly ever after.

The End.