Last month a promising new fantasy writer, Felix Gilman, was almost killed by a shameful attack by a dangerous assassin later identified as “a hamster”. Since that time, writers around America have lived in fear that the villain might strike again. No one was safe. But they need cower no longer. John Scalzi has come to the rescue. He has discovered that hamsters are vulnerable to the use of the magic word “alright”. So, ladies and gentlemen of fandom, if you want your favorite authors to be safe from attack, all you have to do is say “alright” as often as you can.

Thank you. I knew we could rely upon you.