How are the Winterval preparations going folks? The Solstice is only a few days away now, and we all have to be ready to victimize Daily Malice readers and Faux News watchers, right? Just in case you are short on ideas, here’s an article that digs into the history of the War on Christmas. Guess who were some of the worst offenders? Yes, you’ve got it, those killjoy Puritans.

The Puritans in the Massachusetts Bay Colony went one step further and actually outlawed the celebration of Christmas. From 1659 to 1681, anyone caught celebrating Christmas in the colony would be fined five shillings.

Not that I’m in favor of banning Christmas myself, but a similar fine, suitably adjusted for inflation, for any store found guilty of playing endless Christmas music could go a long way to solving government budget problems, and do so with impeccable fundamentalist credentials.